It’s Friday the 13th, so everything is just a tad spookier than normal. Instead of cowering in the corner, let’s lean into fright and predict the possibly unfortunate, definitely inaccurate future for the top 3 leagues. Here’s our French League Prediction as well: PSG and Messi (still weird to write) are gonna win… whew… that was a tough one…

Let’s Start off with the Premier League

The most entertaining league in the world is always full of surprises, and to try and predict those surprises would be absolutely stupid, but we are gonna do it anyway. We have got a couple hot takes that can only be classified as nightmare-fuel.

City to Stumble this Year

High-flying City cruised to Premier League victory last year essentially without a striker. That will not be the case next year, with free-flowing football crushed under the weight of Jack Grealish’s magnificent calves. Listen, Jackie G needs that free role to get dribbling so his full grown adult cows can get to work. And then, ON TOP OF EVERYTHING, City will have been dealt a huge blow by Financial Fair Play and deducted 100 points and sent packing to the Championship… Well that escalated quickly…

Tottenham Sells Harry Kane

After the Spurs eventually acquiesce to the sale of Harry Kane, Tottenham signs Gareth Bale (again) and Anthony Martial, who link up effortlessly with Sonny to create the free-flowing attack that no one saw coming to North London. That really took a turn.

Arsenal Become Scary Good

Arsenal fans have been at the sore end of a bunch of jokes over the last few seasons, but that is all about to change. With some fresh faces at the club and some dead-weight reduced, Arsenal are looking like a team to get excited for again especially because all of their adidas jerseys this year are awesome! Saka, Aubameyang, Tierney will also catch fire this season. Bold? Yes. Accurate? Probably not.


This will be the season that Dortmund takes the title from Bayern for the first time in several years. As it turns out, relying on Lewandowski too much will weigh heavily on Naglesman’s squad. A terrifying stumble to the beginning of the season is enough for the Championship-saturated Munich fans to have reoccurring nightmares about the Bavarian giants’ upcoming season. This means there is a spot for Dortmund to shine, with Haaland already scoring a hat trick in a German Cup game, and Reyna the newly crowned number 7, the ceiling is the floor (Thanks Michael Jordan) for this group in the upcoming season.

What are your thoughts? Have any ridiculous guesses as to what will happen this year? Drop your thoughts below!