Real Cavani

Edinson Cavani is as mouth watering a forward as there is football. His hair looks amazing when he attacks aerial balls. He has a deft touch that allows him to maneuver around defenders, and when he puts his foot through the ball, the ball becomes a flying instrument of death. As a Liverpool fan, I have had many dreams about Edinson Cavani screaming his Hulk sized growl to the Kop after a 30 yard torpedo. Unfortunately for me, Cavani will never prowl opposing penalty boxes in Anfield for the Reds (unless the football gods are unbelievably kind), but he very well may be pulling on the classic white of Real Madrid next season.

edinson cavaniMadrid has spoiled their fans over the years at least from the standpoint of putting amazing players on the pitch. This newest iteration of Madrid features the talents of Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, Mesut Ozil, Karim Benzema, Xabi Alonso, Fabio Coentrao, Sergio Ramos, and Iker Casillas. Edinson Cavani would be just another star in the Madrid universe, although seeing the diminishing twinkle of Kaka, Benzema, and the uncertainty surrounding Ronaldo and Alonso it would seem that Cavani would be a bit more important than one would initially think. Thankfully Cavani’s lovely mother has let the cat out of the bag by sating her son is in talks with Madrid and Manchester City.

From a football standpoint, Cavani teamed with the creativity in the Real Madrid squad could produce mind blowing results. Mesut Ozil has silky touch, sublime skill, and great vision (really he should don’t you think?). Ronaldo by himself is the quickest counter attack in football and like Ozil can see the entire pitch and has the skill to pass the ball accurately into the path of any run. Xabi Alonso looks like The Gladiator. Edinson Cavani should be able to destroy the roughly 13,000,000 chances at goal presented by playing with CR7, Peter Lorre, and Russell Crowe.

An underappreciated aspect of a possible Cavani transfer to Madrid would be the new hair battle known as El Classico. With Barcelona purchasing Neymar, who is a one man affront to any teams perceived sense of hair superiority, the gauntlet has been thrown. Imagine if you would a Barcelona pitch with Puyol with his trademark curls, Messi with his near sweatless hair, Xavi in his meticulous gelled perfection, and Neymar with whatever degree of crazy he brings to the table. Across from them would be Cavani with his Cro-Magnon locks, Ronaldo, Mesut Ozil and Luka Modric the headband brothers, Xabi Alonso with the best beard in soccer, and Fabio Coentrao with his new wave madness. It would be pure magic. For the record I am bald, have been since I was 18 years old, and I have a deep jealousy of anyone who can grow hair and do insane things with said hair.

In a perfect world Edinson Cavani would fulfill my dreams and pull that gorgeous new Liverpool away kit on and destroy the Premiership, but if my dreams of a Red Ed can’t be realized then hopefully my dreams of Hairmageddon can be. Cavani the White would be as entertaining as anything we could ever see in football. May it happen and long may it last.

 

About the author: Adam Suggs

 

 

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